Monday 25 July 2016

Yours, Mine, and Ours

I like being alone.

I’m resigned to power outages.  

I don’t like being alone during power outages. 

They are a fairly common phenomenon in India, but as I have always been with family or friends, the dark never used to feel so... overwhelming.

I think this fear took root when I lived with my aged grandparents in India for a few months, obsessing over something happening to one or both of them.  I would feel most helpless in the dark, with a grandfather in his early nineties - deaf as a post, and walking mostly by memory rather than with the help of vision or strength - and a grandmother in her early eighties and fond of planking (in that she’s most comfortable when horizontal).  One night, for example, after I had lit some candles to wait out the power cut, I watched Apachen attempting to climb Amachi to place a lighted candle God-only-knows-where while she asthmatically wheezed epithets he thankfully couldn’t hear.  In all fairness, he’d patted her grizzled head a few times to make sure, but still mistook her for a high stool or an armoire of some sort – an unstandable error as she is also brown and tends to collect dust. 

Thursday 21 July 2016

On the Rocks

I was cutting up some steamed plantain the other day when I was surprised to see gunshots in the peel.

I squinted at the fruit in total bewilderment for a few moments before realizing it was where I’d stabbed my fork in and not, as immediately assumed, a stealthy Mai-Mai attack (hey, they apparently have supernatural powers and you just never know).  The fact that it resembled the marks on one of the unused emergency vehicles in our front yard was purely incidental and reflected a subtle change in my perceptions since living here.

Wednesday 13 July 2016

I Put My Head in the Sand; Therefore I Will Be

“There are no opponents in Zaire, because the notion of opposition has no place in our mental universe.  In fact, there are no political problems in Zaire.” –Mobutu Sese Seko

...Not far from where we sat, a paraplegic was busy capitalising on the latest twist in market forces.  Helped by friends, he was struggling to balance a pair of giant jerry cans filled with petrol onto the back of his tricycle.  At that moment, the militia fighting in Brazzaville meant fuel there was scarce.  Kinshasa’s petrol, itself in short supply, should sell for a high price over the river, high enough, in any case, to justify this polio victim running the risk of becoming a tricycling firebomb if a cigarette spark went astray.  “Thanks to the war, I should be able to sell the petrol on the other side for twice the price,” he said.  “Then I’ll bring milk back in the same jerry cans.”

...Depressingly, the people who led the soldiers to the farm each time were local villagers.  Far from regarding the farm as a project worth encouraging, or at least tolerating, for the investment and employment it might bring to the area, they monitored the farm through the years like schoolboys watching a ripening fruit, waiting for the moment when a breakdown of law and order would provide the cover for some neighbourly appropriation...  [The farmer] appeared to harbour little rancour, attributing the repeated pillaging to the hunter-gatherer instincts on which the Congolese relied for survival until so very recently.  But something... appeared to have snapped [after the third looting], perhaps overwhelmed by the realization that those around him had never regarded him as anything more than just another white colonialist to be taken for a ride at worst, deferred to at best. 

...Between the start of the Zairean economic crisis in 1975 and Mobutu’s departure in 1997, Zaire received a total of $9.3 billion in foreign aid...  The corruption in Zaire, [Erwin Blumenthal] argues, is not a generalised blight, a plague without face or source...  Yet the IMF and the World Bank were still giving Mobutu’s reform plans serious consideration at the start of the 80s...  “There will certainly be new promises from Mobutu and the members of his government and the ever-growing foreign debt will be rescheduled.  But there is no – I repeat no – chance on the horizon that Zaire’s many creditors will recover their funds.”  ...By the time of the report, there had already been four failed IMF stabilisation plans.  But the rescheduling of Zaire’s debt went on – nine times between 1976 and 1989.  ...It was to take eight long years before the two institutions finally reached the same conclusion as the testy German banker had spelled out in 1982:  money was not the answer to Zaire’s ills, rather, it lay at their very root.

...Mea culpa.  Throughout my interviews, I had kept expecting to find signs of it, only to be constantly surprised by its failure to make an appearance.  There was precious little from the Washington financiers who granted billions to a known thief, whose institutions will one day have to explain why the Congolese should be held accountable for leans made in bad faith.  Even less from the US and French officials who, motivated by strategic reasons, decided with cool cynicism what was best for this most fragile of post-independence states.  There was none at all from the Congolese aides, ministers and generals who helped mould [Mobutu’s] policies, still adopting the ‘I was only following orders’ excuse judged insufficient at Nuremberg.  And... the colonial power that first sent Congo on its wayward course had nimbly succeeded in dismissing the very notion of blame.  To explore the roles they played – from the raids of the slave traders to the amputations carried out by the Force Publique and the wishful thinking of the World Bank – is to move from exasperation at a nation’s fecklessness to wonderment that a population has come through it all with a sense of humour...  Now that the US, France, and Belgium have distanced themselves, now that Mobutu is dead, the country has lost the last excuse for its predicament.  A population that has set its sights little higher than survival has to learn to take responsibility for its own destiny.  ‘What do the French want of Congo’  ...alternated with the equally infuriating, if equally understandable ‘What do the Americans want?” ...must now become ‘What do the Congolese want?’

-- Wrong, M. (2000). In the Footsteps of Mr. Kurtz. London: Fourth Estate, a division of HarperCollinsPublishers

Wednesday 6 July 2016

And... Action!

Missionary Runner:  The Bus Trials continues with our intrepid heroine facing down a bus conductor who is holding out the correct change. 

Why? 

Because if she accepts the bill, she will have to step away from the bus in a hurry as it has a tendency to shift and hurtle forwards, backwards, or sideways with distressing unpredictability. 

So?

Her toe is caught somewhere in back of her twice-thrice-many-times mended skirt and her foot is now dangling in the air as though her rather weedy conductor has said something delightfully romantic and she is feeling particularly flirtatious.  In reality, she is struggling with an inability, heretofore only metaphorical, to put her foot down.  To regain her footing, she will have to risk tearing her skirt again or, alternatively, just pulling it down for a quick peep show.

So she wobbles there on one foot, staring at the befuddled bus conductor like an affronted flamingo, praying desperately that God would just take her as He had Enoch.

Eventually, she catches her balance and manages to snap the thread with her hand nonchalantly.  She snatches the change and flounces away, damning her skirt to a newly constructed tenth circle of hell for possessed items that break, snap, or otherwise fail to function around her.  The next day, she walks home (across the city) to come to grips with the realisation that she may be literally too awkward to live.

She pragmatically does some errands on the way and indulges in her expensive drug of choice because steamed plantains are to her what a rainbow was to Noah.  Tune in for the next exciting installment in this ongoing, two-year series!

Monday 4 July 2016

Poa!

I keep feeling the need to say that ‘Life is normal.’  Like, I feel like starting each of my posts this way.  As if somehow if I convince you, it’ll be really real.  Life is normal only in that it goes on – its path is quite different than it would be in Canada.

For example, I’d never have a battle of wills with a bus conductor half my age who didn’t want to return my change.

“You want me to give you change?”
“Is this a trick question?”
“I want to buy something.”
“Why are we--?  I can’t even--  I. don’t. care.”
“But I want to buy something something.”

By this time, I was seeing a delicate shade of fuchsia as he was cutting into my running time to make it to work, so I have no idea whether he wanted to buy a kidney for his ailing gerbil or buy a vowel – I was having none of it.