Monday 31 October 2016

Alice's Tea Party

The last Tuesday in October saw a short, fierce earthquake in the wee hours of the morning.  I was having trouble sleeping due to strange dreams (some involving not finding my crush – even my dreams are realistic), and the earthquake barely registered.  I clearly remember thinking I wonder if there’s water...  No, no water, and then turning over and going back to sleep.  Nothing seemed affected in my room or in the kitchen, so I really thought it was a dream.

Until our short devotion at work the next morning outlining the many ways God could kill us if He so wished.


Monday 24 October 2016

While Rome Burns

On Friday, on a quest to find a new Egg Person, I was witness to a police raid on the major market nearby.  This involves dark, weathered men in blue uniforms and a sky-high view of themselves scattering fields of women trying to rescue their wares.  I think this is due to the fact that these women shouldn’t be there – they should be renting stalls within the market.  Buses and motos (and likely taxis) are also prohibited from stopping in that area as their presence creates a bottleneck. 

I think (desperately hope) that the officers just run through to scare the women – they scatter like flies and then resettle again in a few minutes.  I’ve even seen them grinning as though it’s a game. 

This particular Friday, one of the women was not quick enough to get away and lost a fish.  A police officer ran through the melee like a naked toddler trying to evade his mother and stamped on it with a gusto rarely found in mature adults, much less rifle-toting protectors of civil society.


Friday 21 October 2016

Thank God It's Friday

Today, I hate everything. 

Except Coolio, our new fridge, whom I pet lovingly sometimes.  I can make chapattis on him and he is cold and beautiful.

Except that Butters has gone away somewhere for the weekend and I will cook and eat until it comes out my ears. 

Except that we have a lot of water. 

But I hate everything else.


Tuesday 18 October 2016

The Nitty-Gritty

I have put a halt to French lessons with the gregarious chaplain of the hospital next door (mostly to get out of my essay on Calvinism), and now have Swahili lessons with him instead.  His cheery grandfatherliness has carried over; I expectantly await the threat of the chicotte as well.  

For our first lesson, we sang a song over and over again. 


Monday 17 October 2016

Changes

Yes, this is inspired by Tupac’s classic.  Also by the word of God.  Also by an encouraging email from someone I barely know who understands.  Or said she did. 

Sometimes that’s all I need.

In search of this understanding, sometimes I discuss issues with Butters.  For example, I am territorial about things I consider to be mine.  This is an unfortunate trait in Central Africa – possibly even a continental faux pas.  If I’m eating or carrying food – it’s fair game.  Visible vegetables from the market are up for grabs.  Beignets and bananas are eaten as a personal favour to me.

”I will take this.”

“Hmm...  This is too sweet.” 

You’re welcome is heavily implied in both cases.


Thursday 13 October 2016

Thanks Past, Present, and Future

First of all, my mom would like to extend a personal thanks and e-hug to Captain and Carrottop, who refused to send me to a red zone for a socioeconomic reinsertion with the rest of my team.  She disliked both of them on general principle for hiring me, but this almost makes up for their past mistakes.  Almost.


Wednesday 12 October 2016

A Memento of Weakness

I need to mention that my face is a mess of zits.  Part of this is genetic (thanks, Mom), but I prefer to blame the soap.  No one believes in facewash here; it’s soap all the way, and though I’ve even tried the more expensive brands, I feel like my face is channeling either Jadis or Exxon Valdez.    

I have no idea why this is so important, but it came to me last night: I realised I’d never shared how hideous I feel and thus have been living a lie. 

There.

I feel better now.


Monday 10 October 2016

All the Matatas

It started going downhill when I was caught in a hailstorm on the way home on Friday. 

A hailstorm.

In Central Africa.


Friday 7 October 2016

But I Don’t Wanna

Adulthood, I have discovered, is pretending to want to do things I don’t want to do. 

Sometimes they are things that I have a responsibility to do, like  saving the world in a tiara and a miniskirt  writing reports all day.  Like Loki, I also am burdened with glorious purpose... to vote, pay taxes, sit in an office, avoid deep fried bread in a quest to achieve the elusive Thigh Gap, and to refuse to pretend I have a long-lost African sister (I've heard of people who've claimed their parents were dead to gain vaunted Refugee status, so this woman's request wasn't too far out).  


Wednesday 5 October 2016

My Church has a Strobe Light and Other Fantastic Tales

If you ever thought church was boring, you’ve never been in a church in Africa. 

It’s basically a non-stop party.

My church is more conservative than most – in remembrance of its Anglican roots - with a clear focus on foundational and biblical principles, but worship is off the chiz-ain.  The congregation is constrained by the presence of around 70 people in a small area, but I would still extend a warning to watch for flailing arms and euphoric fist pumps.  We haven’t had any accidents yet, but as I’m generally unobservant and the fervent dancers usually have their eyes closed, I’m trying to avoid them until I am able to find a life mushroom or a star.   


Sunday 2 October 2016

Empire State of Mind

So there have been a few earthquakes in the past few weeks – the first in my life – and they’ve been… interesting.

The first few were just minor tremors, barely noticeable.  The third Friday in September saw the end of most of our wineglasses (which we had no use for anyway), and the beginning of a newfound love of Canada.

Because I’m sort of empty-headed and have never been through a major natural disaster, I found the earthquakes generally exciting – a cross between Just like in the movies! and a baby roller coaster.    

Upon seeing everyone outside my building and not wanting to huddle under a table on the third floor listening to breaking glass in my kitchen, I strolled downstairs to hang out with my guard (a new one who wasn’t in the habit of subtly threatening me).