Thanks Past, Present, and Future

First of all, my mom would like to extend a personal thanks and e-hug to Captain and Carrottop, who refused to send me to a red zone for a socioeconomic reinsertion with the rest of my team.  She disliked both of them on general principle for hiring me, but this almost makes up for their past mistakes.  Almost.

BFG deserves a large round of applause for helping us move and encouraging us to share a massive block of white cheddar cheese - I wouldn't buy it on a regular basis, but it was the TLC I needed this month.  Carrottopp deserves a standing ovation for sharing food, information, organizational capability, and some of my personality traits.  I would be in a much worse place without dairy and directness - thank you from the bottom of my heart.   

I’d like to congratulate myself for doing my laundry in a tiny bucket with minimal water on Wednesday night.  To prevent this trauma in the future, I’m thinking about just wearing less clothing and wearing my hair down more often.  I expect to get away with causing road accidents until Carrottop discovers my new leaf, at which point I’ll accuse her of trying to suppress my cultural expression.  At which point I’ll likely be sent back to Canada in a crate.  I can rest assured that at least she’d have a To Do List including Make air holes and Leave lasagna inside.   

I’d like to thank the good Lord in heaven above that we received tapwater at 3:45am on Thursday morning – the first time since early Saturday afternoon.  I think we only have really good water pressure in the outdoor sink, so I can’t hear when it comes on (unless I sleep in the sink, which I have not entirely ruled out).  By the time the sound of a thin trickle in my bathroom bucket woke me, the bucket outside was overflowing – I have no idea for how long.  I was so excited to see this that I let it continue to overflow while I ran around half-asleep in the darkness of a power cut like a disoriented vole.  The water stopped after about 15 minutes, but that was enough to fill our large outdoor bucket.  However, I continued to get up on autopilot and and check at regular intervals. 

I’d also like to thank God for not giving me more than I can handle.  There were a few times when I thought (cried, screamed, whatever) that He had my file confused with The Hulk's, but it turns out He has it all figured out.  We have always had water, we’re not sick, and I have a newfound ability to take showers in Filthy Bucket Water!  PTL - it’s a miracle!  I feel like a Pokemon that’s evolved. 

I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank Butters – he’s saved us from partially unfiltered Tapeworm Egg Juice and yelled at me about my melting tomatoes leaving trails through the kitchen.  I thought this last was more likely due to our non-functional fridge, but as I was fighting the urge to strangle him at the time, I figured it was best to accept that it was my fault and walk away.  He returned to his relaxed self in a few minutes and we were back to discussing stressful work experiences and clarifying roles, goals, and resolutions.  I still wanted to strangle him.  I’d, ah, like you to read this in a helium-affected voice.  With a big, positive smile.  And a thumbs-up. 

I’d like to thank our landlord both for ensuring that we have four bidons of water every morning, and for assuring me that he’d have the implements for a clothesline up soon.  He'd have liked to do it today, but wanted someone to be home for it.  I’d expected him to just bang in a couple of nails; the builder said it’d take most of the day. And this is how my Saturday came to be sacrificed.  Remember the whole helium thing.  And smile.  

On a related note, I also have to thank the maids/wives/sisters/young female neighbours downstairs who likely bring up the bidons.  They know our trials because they spend their lives in the back area downstairs (with myriad small humans in varying states of emotional distress) and stare and smile shyly at me whenever I leave the house.  Luckily, they have a great view - whether I go out to the sink or leave the house.  I assume they reported that I did laundry without a washing line.  Their care is touching and not the slightest bit awkward.  Fist bump!

Finally, I’d like to thank whoever created Kamatia Chini because it has helped me survive this stressful period.  This coping mechanism backfired somewhat when I fixed a printing problem in my office and began to sing and do a victory dance without realising I was being watched by two of our interns.

Remember to do the helium voice!  

Still smiling! 

High five!