We're all Mad Here

I am not entirely on board with Anabaptist views, but I have had the opportunity to think over my stance with a number of wonderful people I have met in the last little while.  Videos by Bruxy Cavey are attempting to convince me to make the leap; I’m not sure I can do it, but I’ll pray and see what God has to say.  However, there is no question that many Mennonites are rooted in scripture and back up this faith with works.  My international organization does not employ guards because they would have to be armed, and the supporters of the organization live out their faith in non-violence in some of the most war-torn areas of the world – to me, this is a testament to their faith and to the glory of God.

More generally, I have met four retreat centre coordinators and possibly four area directors, and they have all been glorious people.  I think it must be a job requirement.

The most recent are no different.  They are Canadian, drove me to and from the airport multiple times, made phone calls on my behalf, and fed me – these are basically all my adulting requirements for life.  There were some added lectures on vermiculture which should have been properly hideous but now seems like something I should begin immediately to better the world. 

We had ostrich chili (go back and read that again), ice cream, and veggies, and I feel very properly pretend-South African now.  If you’re wondering whether you are, here are (as I understand them) some real-life tests to help you tell.

Hair Test – If a pencil stays in your hair, you’re black.  Yes, even if your skin colour is white.

Bed Test – If you sleep on a high bed, you’re white.  If you sleep on a bed of medium height, you’re coloured.  If you sleep on the floor, you’re black.

Sports Test – If you play cricket, you may be coloured or white.  If you play rugby, you’re probably white.  If you play football, you’re black.

Japanese people protested their classification of ‘Asian’ and were considered white. 

Also, up is down and down is up in this world where race is both vitally important and can be decided by arbitrary physical or economic factors and the size of the kerfuffle you can kick up in the legal system.

The clearest example of this madness is the story of Sandra Laing, who was born to white parents, looked black, and was ruled in court to be white.  I believe she may have faced some trials going to an all-white school due to her… tan.  Later, when she wanted to marry a Zulu man, she went back to court to become legally black because changing a woman's race makes much more sense than condoning interracial marriage.

After a lovely, informative dinner, during which the consensus seemed to be that everyone in the world is basically nuts, I went to bed for a few hours before making my second attempt at leaving the country.  Again, the area director drove me to the airport and handled all messes due to my overweight luggage.  The official at the gates stated that he ‘forgave me’ regarding my likewise overweight carry-on and politely asked if I was carrying a knife.  The kind woman at the gates also asked if I was carrying a knife as well as various questions to which I answered no on basic principle.  They really should insert attention-testing questions to make sure we’ve made it past the knee-weakening accent.

“Are you carrying knives?”

“No.”

“Are you carrying more than $5000?”

“No.”

“Are you listening?”

“No.”

“Ah-HA!”

“No.”

“Go directly to Jail; do not pass Go, do not collect $200.  We hope you enjoyed your stay in South Africa, you knife-wielding maniac.”

“I feel something is awry.  No?”