Panic! At Night

am African please throw passport now meep

Further to my ongoing trials and tribulations with The Man (or the other way around)...

I would like it to be roundly known that I am a coward.  Of epic proportions.  If there is any feasible way to escape something, I will do so.  Until I cannot.

On Tuesday night, I decided that I could no longer put off calling the embassy for my visa.  In an effort to avoid the inevitable confrontation but still seem industrious, I decided to sneakily call at night - that way I could leave a message, The Man could scream, swear, abuse my ancestors, etc. in the privacy of his own office, and call me back when his blood pressure was at a reasonable level.

- 9:30pm (his time) -

The Man:  *answering machine beeps*
Me:  Hello, I know I frustrated you - to the point of murder - last week, but I'm wondering if there is anything you need from me - or if I could just please, please, please have a visa.  Call me back, thank you!

- 9:31pm (his time) -

TM:  *calls*
M:  Oh, dear heaven, I did not ask for this, I am so sorry, Hail, Mary, full of grace, I do not know the rest, I'm sweating, my life has no meaning, Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God...  Hello?
TM:  Did you call me?
M:  ...I could pretend I'm drunk and this is a booty call gone awry!  I meant to contact your office - is this your cell phone??  I am so sorry - Why would you give me your cell phone number, you muddled toad. 
TM:  Can I help you?
M:  I'm really sorry, I thought I would reach your office, I will call you tomorrow, I never meant to disturb you - My awkward soul is dying - what if you were in the bathtub with a glass of wine.  I have ruined your life beyond repair. 
TM:  No, go ahead.
M:  *continued grovelling in heart, mind, and soul*
TM:  Rly, tho.
M:  Well, I called you last week *braces for explosion* ... uh... because you needed some documentation from me - that was sent on Friday and I just wanted to make sure you got it...
TM:   On Friday?
M:  Yes, and I know the office was closed on Monday - so please don't rip into me or my passport-- 
TM:  You should have called me on Friday!
M:  ...Say what.
TM:  You should have called me on Friday!  I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
M:  I am having trouble with this concept.

- Wednesday -

He was stubbornly unavailable all day.  Then in the early evening, which seemed to be when he got most of his work done...

TM:  We will send it tomorrow.
M:  Oh, good, I need it very--
TM:  *hangs up*
M:  --urgently.

- Thursday - 

TM:  You need another form!
M:  But.  You told me I didn't.
TM:  But this one is all wrong!
M:  But you said it was fine.
TM:  But you need another form!
M:  If I send it right now, can you send the visa today?
TM:  We will see.
M:  I really need it very--
TM:  *hangs up*
M:  --urgently.

- later -

M:  Did you get the form?
TM:  We will send it tomorrow.
M:  But I need it--
TM:  Tomorrow!  *hangs up*
M:  --urgently.

Meanwhile, I can't show my face at church lest I get 93 hugs and 94 questions and I'm a little worried about my pastor's credibility if he prays for my safe journey one more week and I show up very safely in a pew in front of him.  Other than that, I've been living out of two suitcases and a fridge for the past week, my teammates' orientation (what I can see of it through eyelids swollen with bitter tears) seems to be going well (aside from a few bureaucratic delays like mine), and

I'm. still. calm.

-Your Lady of Perpetual Disorientation