Thursday 11 February 2016

Panic! In My Mind

No passport, no visa, no sun, no owner for Filibuster Firework...

My life is in a shambles.

Join me on my phone conversations over the past few days:

Me:  Hi, is my visa ready?
The Man:  You're missing x and y and your office is lazy and they should know better.
Me:  So that's a no, then.

-next day-

Office:  Okay, just pull your passport back from them.

M:  Hi, can I have my passport back?
TM:  The man dropped it off, but it's in the mail and the Purlator and the truck and we dropped it off and the drop it off truck just now.
M:  So...
TM:  It will be sent tonight and you will receive it tomorrow.
M:  Splendid.

-next day-

M:  You know, my passport is not in the mail.
TM:  But the Purolator and the package number was not the same, we needed another number, and I gave it to you, don't you remember?
M:  Nooooo...
TM:  I talked to you and you faxed the waybill, don't you remember?
M:  Partially yes, but mostly nooooo...
TM:  What is your name?
M:  This is a good start.
TM:  I'll call you back.

M:  Hello?
TM:  I can't find it.  It was already sent back to you!
M:  Nooooo...
TM:  Then something was missing.
M:  Yesssss...
TM:  I'll call you back.

M:  Hello?
TM:  Yes, x and y were missing - I remember your case now!
M:  Oh good.
TM:  This church always sends correct letters but this one is wrong.  So I'll just go downstairs and talk to the office.
M:  I just need my passport back.  Please.  For the love of all that is holy.
TM:  They need to do their job!  I'll go downstairs and tell them.
M:  Okay.
TM:  I'll call you back.

M:  Hello?
TM:  Okay, x and y are missing.
M:  I'm with you so far.
TM:  And we'll retain some of the fee, so I'll just talk to them and they'll send it-- [French's into the distance before hanging up]
M:  Hello?  Please don't do this to me.

M:  Hi, I think our line was cut--
TM:  No.  I told you that they will retain some of the fee and they will send it.
M:[simmers in awkwardness]  Okay.  But it's an emergency and I need it as soon as--
TM:  They will do it and send it today or tomorrow.
M:[awkwards even harder]

Office:  Just kidding!  Don't pull your passport.  Keep going with the visa process - we'll send x and y along in short order.
M:  Swing low, sweet chariot.

M:  Hello, I--
TM:  Excuse me, don't you think this is bothering??  Why do you keep calling me?!  I told you we'll do it and send it today or tomorrow!
M: [bursts into flames of awkwardness, setting off the fire alarm in a minor circle of hell]  I am so very many levels of sorry.  I need you to keep going with the visa process.  Please don't send my passport back.
TM:  Fine.
M:  Are you sure you don't need to give instructions to anyone?  Because last time you were talking to someone who...  Hello?  Hello from the outside / At least I can say that I've tried... 

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At the risk of sounding desperate - PLEASE WRITE TO ME!