I've been called a feminist in tones varying from rueful to angry, but never have I been called a racist or an extremist, and certainly never in one phrase.
Until Summer Solstice 2017. I will remember this date forever. Or until tomorrow, at the very least.
Until Summer Solstice 2017. I will remember this date forever. Or until tomorrow, at the very least.
It was horrifying to hear – I was in a shallow, sepia well of woe until Butters cajoled me into a bright amphitheatre of frustrated confusion – but I needed it. I can be... forceful in my opinions. Partially because I was never allowed this outlet in my teenage years, but mainly because I'm a contrary, argumentative soul, bless my dad's side of the family. I'm sure I'll settle down in my 40s, but until then, you will see a calm, quiet, nearly-30-year-old facade which hides the seething angst, rage, and insecurity of a pimply, perpetually hungry, hormonal teenager.
One day, this inner self pushed too hard - despite past, present, and continuing lessons on patience, gentleness, and love – and broke a friend. To be fair, some would say that this friend was already largely broken, such was the extent of his tendency to romanticize and sanctify misogyny. But I will also accept that my... less than tender approach did not endear me to him.
But it's just so difficult to be kind to people when they're willfully and proudly ignorant. And when coming from men, specifically, my daddy issues don't allow me to respond in a loving fashion.
Of course, Butters, being the accepting, liberal, Beatles-loving, hippie soul that he is, could only respond, “Be patient; he's changing. He's cooking for himself!”
Oh, pardon me while I writhe in ecstasy over the thought that a man in his mid-twenties is able to nourish himself on a daily basis.
The other option was curling up and dying on his bed, so he was really caught between a rock and hard place there. Now that we have that standard established...
Can we start expecting a little more from the men who are supposed to lead us? By all accounts, God created man and woman in His image and said it was good, but somehow we've refused that picture. At this point, I'm starting to think God created man and some idiot with boobs who regularly rang up Satan to chat about fruits, for which sin she should forever wear a bra and be the ground upon which a man walks. I'm not sure which aspect of the Holy Trinity encompasses 'brainless doormat,' but if we take the verse about Eve's culpability seriously (as an innate moral failing linked to two X chromosomes rather than sin leading to the rejection of a sovereign God, which is present in all our hearts), then we also have to accept that God has some very sinful and worthless parts of himself that He'd rather not talk about. Which also calls into question the idea of being perfect light, but let's not think about that right now.
Working from this basis, let's hypothesize that women forever have problems with snakes, as is said in the Holy Bible (we're also ignoring the New Testament in this revision of Christianity), and are forever prone to lies, emotional distress, need... complications in general. Keeping in mind, of course (also ignoring many of the prophets in the Old Testament) that men are wise and good leaders who may be woefully led astray by their complicated, boob-y counterparts.
Now, from this context, let's create a healthy society within which you trust your partner and yourself to do the best that you can to bring out the best in each other and in others.
Imagine that this society has sexual abuse. Inexplicably. Rather a lot of sexual abuse, in fact. You'd think wise and good leaders might think differently, but those boobs are troublemakers. Imagine that after the abuse, the main concern is not the psychological or physical health of the boobed in question, but her ephemeral honour and that of her family.
Now imagine that this society (which could be any in the world) is attempting to live in peace with people of different colours, who may eat food with sticks or with their hands, who wear towels on their heads or over their faces, who talk quickly and nasally or in clicks, who eat cats and dogs and monkeys and raw fish, who worship a blue guy playing a flute or their dead great-Grampy, who dance funny and sing funny and dress funny. How far do you think any of these societies are going to get?
If we can't respect and treat with dignity our positions as men and women, how can you possibly expect to respect or treat with dignity a person who wears feathers on their head and ululates around a fire?
And yet none of this is said aloud.
We can work together for years against gender-based violence - when all the while, my coworker thinks women are seriously lacking in chill. How far do you think our humanitarian aid is going to get?
We can work together for months discussing the work of other organisations, other cultures, other countries - when all the while, my teammate thinks that everything present in his culture is nearly perfect. How much do you think we are going to learn?
We can study the Bible together for weeks, seeking to understand God's nature and our responsibilities as His children – when all the while, my partner thinks God is a talking frog in the pond out back. How well do you think we will live the gospel of salvation and produce the fruits of the Spirit?
I'm not saying good cannot come out of all of these situations. In fact, my one and only consolation is that God works out His purposes while we're ribbiting away in our backyards. But what frustrates me is being called a racist extremist when I only have the temerity to be honest.
You know what's extreme and racist?
“Corruption and rape came from the West; no words like that existed in the African dictionary.”
That's extreme.
“C'mon – what else have they got to be proud of?”
That's racist.
One of those sentences came from a young white male, the other from a young black male; both, naturally, are stupid.
And yet these are underlying perceptions that are rarely voiced but that deeply affect the way we live, work, and interact with others of different races. In all fairness, neither of these quotations can be taken in singularity - both these men have said and will continue to say positive things about Western and African cultures.
But we're approaching the deeply sensitive core of the whole issue, which begs many, many questions – if only we could approach them with humility and honesty.
Do Africans believe there is any value to be gained from other cultures? Do Westerners believe there is any value to be gained from Africa? Do you have a responsibility to improve the image of Africa? Are you carrying it out? Do you have a responsibility to improve the image of other cultures? Are you carrying it out? Do you believe in Africa first? America first? What does it mean to be human? What does it mean to be Christian? What does it mean to be a leader? What does it mean to be a feminist? What parts do love, solidarity, and honor play in a society with ethnic conflict and increasing incidences of rape by civilians? What parts do integrity, accountability, and honesty play in the midst of economic and political chaos?
What are you going to do about it?
One day, this inner self pushed too hard - despite past, present, and continuing lessons on patience, gentleness, and love – and broke a friend. To be fair, some would say that this friend was already largely broken, such was the extent of his tendency to romanticize and sanctify misogyny. But I will also accept that my... less than tender approach did not endear me to him.
But it's just so difficult to be kind to people when they're willfully and proudly ignorant. And when coming from men, specifically, my daddy issues don't allow me to respond in a loving fashion.
Of course, Butters, being the accepting, liberal, Beatles-loving, hippie soul that he is, could only respond, “Be patient; he's changing. He's cooking for himself!”
Oh, pardon me while I writhe in ecstasy over the thought that a man in his mid-twenties is able to nourish himself on a daily basis.
The other option was curling up and dying on his bed, so he was really caught between a rock and hard place there. Now that we have that standard established...
Can we start expecting a little more from the men who are supposed to lead us? By all accounts, God created man and woman in His image and said it was good, but somehow we've refused that picture. At this point, I'm starting to think God created man and some idiot with boobs who regularly rang up Satan to chat about fruits, for which sin she should forever wear a bra and be the ground upon which a man walks. I'm not sure which aspect of the Holy Trinity encompasses 'brainless doormat,' but if we take the verse about Eve's culpability seriously (as an innate moral failing linked to two X chromosomes rather than sin leading to the rejection of a sovereign God, which is present in all our hearts), then we also have to accept that God has some very sinful and worthless parts of himself that He'd rather not talk about. Which also calls into question the idea of being perfect light, but let's not think about that right now.
Working from this basis, let's hypothesize that women forever have problems with snakes, as is said in the Holy Bible (we're also ignoring the New Testament in this revision of Christianity), and are forever prone to lies, emotional distress, need... complications in general. Keeping in mind, of course (also ignoring many of the prophets in the Old Testament) that men are wise and good leaders who may be woefully led astray by their complicated, boob-y counterparts.
Now, from this context, let's create a healthy society within which you trust your partner and yourself to do the best that you can to bring out the best in each other and in others.
Imagine that this society has sexual abuse. Inexplicably. Rather a lot of sexual abuse, in fact. You'd think wise and good leaders might think differently, but those boobs are troublemakers. Imagine that after the abuse, the main concern is not the psychological or physical health of the boobed in question, but her ephemeral honour and that of her family.
Now imagine that this society (which could be any in the world) is attempting to live in peace with people of different colours, who may eat food with sticks or with their hands, who wear towels on their heads or over their faces, who talk quickly and nasally or in clicks, who eat cats and dogs and monkeys and raw fish, who worship a blue guy playing a flute or their dead great-Grampy, who dance funny and sing funny and dress funny. How far do you think any of these societies are going to get?
If we can't respect and treat with dignity our positions as men and women, how can you possibly expect to respect or treat with dignity a person who wears feathers on their head and ululates around a fire?
And yet none of this is said aloud.
We can work together for years against gender-based violence - when all the while, my coworker thinks women are seriously lacking in chill. How far do you think our humanitarian aid is going to get?
We can work together for months discussing the work of other organisations, other cultures, other countries - when all the while, my teammate thinks that everything present in his culture is nearly perfect. How much do you think we are going to learn?
We can study the Bible together for weeks, seeking to understand God's nature and our responsibilities as His children – when all the while, my partner thinks God is a talking frog in the pond out back. How well do you think we will live the gospel of salvation and produce the fruits of the Spirit?
I'm not saying good cannot come out of all of these situations. In fact, my one and only consolation is that God works out His purposes while we're ribbiting away in our backyards. But what frustrates me is being called a racist extremist when I only have the temerity to be honest.
You know what's extreme and racist?
“Corruption and rape came from the West; no words like that existed in the African dictionary.”
That's extreme.
“C'mon – what else have they got to be proud of?”
That's racist.
One of those sentences came from a young white male, the other from a young black male; both, naturally, are stupid.
And yet these are underlying perceptions that are rarely voiced but that deeply affect the way we live, work, and interact with others of different races. In all fairness, neither of these quotations can be taken in singularity - both these men have said and will continue to say positive things about Western and African cultures.
But we're approaching the deeply sensitive core of the whole issue, which begs many, many questions – if only we could approach them with humility and honesty.
Do Africans believe there is any value to be gained from other cultures? Do Westerners believe there is any value to be gained from Africa? Do you have a responsibility to improve the image of Africa? Are you carrying it out? Do you have a responsibility to improve the image of other cultures? Are you carrying it out? Do you believe in Africa first? America first? What does it mean to be human? What does it mean to be Christian? What does it mean to be a leader? What does it mean to be a feminist? What parts do love, solidarity, and honor play in a society with ethnic conflict and increasing incidences of rape by civilians? What parts do integrity, accountability, and honesty play in the midst of economic and political chaos?
What are you going to do about it?
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